I've wanted to try this blogging business for some time now. I figure now is a better time than any since I have a story to keep track of and share with others. This blog will be dedicated to what it's like to want children desperately, the measures taken and how it feels to finally be given the gift of pregnancy (x3) and also the trials and tribulations involved in a high risk pregnancy.
In looking back on our journey with infertility I have come up with some macabre calculations. I figured I have undergone approximately 150 subcutaneous injections, 50 vaginal ultrasounds and 50 blood draws. I've had 3 IUI's, 4 Fresh IVF cycles, 3 Frozen Embryo thaw transfers, a hysteroscopy, 2 early miscarriages and a D&C. The number that blows me away the most is that I have taken approximately 60-70 pregnancy tests, almost all of which have come back with one lonely line. Some would think a pregnancy was not meant to be, so why go through so much hassle and pain for what something that seems never likely to happen. I was convinced it would work the first time and I was convinced it would work the second time. There were only 2 IVF cycles out of 7 that I knew in my heart that it was not successful from the day of the transfer. You just know. And even when you know you take that pregnancy test, not once, not twice but obsessively, hoping that you are just wrong, hoping on a miracle.
And then when it finally happened, again, I knew. I knew from the day of the transfer that something good was happening, something positive. I just didn't know how positive or how real it would be until my first beta hcg draw. It came back as 753. That's about equivalent to a quad pregnancy for the stage I was at. Happy and terrified I waited two weeks for my first ultrasound. Sure enough, the big day came and the moment of anticipation was not dull. We saw the four sacs immediately. My husband looked at me in astonishment. I was terrified. The ultrasound tech wasn't nice. She didn't say congragulations or offer me a picture. Despite her ill manner we were ecstatic, on cloud 9.
Since that day we have had several ultrasounds, several opinions, and lots of questions. It was confirmed that there are 3 healthy little ones in there, now each graduated to a fetus. I've run the gammet of emotions, from being completely frightened, to perplexed, to confused and back to being overjoyed. I've been sick. I've barely been able to eat and have lost 11 pounds.
This is just the begining of a journey in which nobody can really predict an end. We have no way of predicting how long I will carry these babies, how healthy they will be or their gender. We are so excited though. We are excited for what is to come, despite all of the fears and worries. We are excited to see my body change, to follow their progress, to keep them in as along as possible and to meet them.